Blog 1: "Facing the Fear: What If My Child Dies from Addiction?"

The Nightmare That Never Ends

I’ve rehearsed the phone call a thousand times in my head. The one where my world shatters, where a stranger’s voice delivers the news I’ve always feared: “I’m sorry to inform you, but your son has passed away.”

Living with a child battling addiction and drug-induced mental illness means existing in a constant state of anxiety. Every late-night call, every moment of silence, every relapse feels like another step toward the unthinkable. The fear of losing my child is always there, lurking in the background like a storm cloud that never drifts away.

I’ve learned that I can’t let fear consume me. I’ve had to accept that his choices are his own, no matter how much I love him. The only thing I can control is how I show up. I can set boundaries. I can offer help when he’s ready. But I can’t stop living because I’m terrified of what might happen.

If you’re a parent in this position, I know how suffocating this fear can be. You’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve the life you imagined for your child. It’s okay to cry, to scream, to feel numb. But it’s also okay to keep living. Your life still matters.

Instead of asking, “What if he dies?” I try to ask, “What if he makes it?” Because as long as he’s breathing, there’s hope. And even if that phone call does come one day, I will know I loved him fiercely, but I didn’t let the fear of losing him steal what time we still had.